Does it matter what size you wear? I was talking with a friend at church a few months ago and the subject of clothing size came up. She like the shirt I was wearing and it got us talking about where I purchased it, where we usually shop for clothes in general, and what size we feel the most comfortable in. Another chimed in that they hadn’t bought anything at the anniversary sale because they were not the size they wanted to be so they refused to buy any new clothes.
I have to admit something. I have totally been in that cycle the last two years. Since having Zane, and loosing *some but not all* of that baby weight, I have been so unhappy with my body. I totally play mind games with myself like “I am not buying ANY clothes until I loose weight”. While I agree that setting goals is very important, and obviously you don’t want to purchase a bunch of clothes that are not going to fit – I had to stop and really think about what I was doing to myself.
There have been times that I have looked at myself in the mirror and just been plain disgusted. Disgusted with my efforts (or non-efforts) to loose weight or to take care of myself. I can seriously be so hard on myself sometimes. One thing that I have found through my journey is that made mental dialogue does absolutely NOTHING but tear my spirits down. Instead of taking the feeling I had toward myself and using them to motivate me, I would use them to tear myself down, which then I would use food to find comfort. I would then hate the mirror even more. Vicious cycle.
I am shifting my focus to being more healthy, not what size I am wearing. I am no longer going to find value for myself in what size I put on in the morning. I have to embrace where I am at, flaws and all, in order to move on in a positive, healthy way.
This is about my internal talk to myself and learning to love the body I have in ALL the stages that I go through. If I don’t love it, how am I ever going to spent the time and energy to take care of it.
So… this is a promise to myself to be in love with my amazing body – this body who has gotten me around for 33 years already, has produced one very cute little blonde, and has MANY more years to go. I promise to take care of my body with feeding it whole foods, limiting the BAD stuff and remembering that food is my FUEL and it is important to choose wisely. I promise to keep active, to build muscle & loose fat – but to keep HEALTH and longevity the main goal. I promise to leave the past mistakes and bad feelings in the past, and move forward with a healthy goal in mind.
I am sharing my journey with you openly so that hopefully it will help someone move past the toxic bad self talk and move into a more healthy place both in mind AND body! SO tell me – do you deal with these weight issue mind monsters? Is there a bad mental cycle you need to erase and re-write?